Letter to Younger Me

9 Nov

Dear Elle,

There is so much to tell you, but what I really want you to know is that everything you believed you’d be in the future is so very wrong. You are going to make some really dumb choices. Choices that you should have made with your head, instead of your heart and hormones.

I want to let you know that one day you’re going to be 33 and totally unhappy due to your choices.

If I could, I’d tell you to participate in more activities in high school, meet more people. Ask that guy you have a crush on out on a date; he’ll probably say no and maybe even laugh, but you need to be bold now so you can be bold later. I’d tell you to sneak out of the house once or twice and rebel a bit; Mom actually won’t kill you and eventually you’ll have to leave for college, so grounding would be temporary. I’d tell you not to cut off your long hair at 17, because growing it out sucks and flat irons don’t exist yet. I’d tell you to put forth more effort in your classes, of course you did better than fine, but if you really put forth your full ability, you could’ve gone to a much better college.

If I could, I’d tell you to go to college and don’t go home every weekend first semester. Yes, the girls on your floor will be bitches, but you are so much smarter than they are. Defend yourself, don’t hide. Oh yes, kiss Bill. Kiss him, just do it. Yes, he is different than most guys you are attracted to, but kiss him. Mary will get mad since she has a mad crush on him, but she’ll never make a move. You need to be bold here. I’d tell you to stick it out at that school; you really do love it there and you will survive.

If I could, I’d tell you not to get so fucking drunk on that first date with Eric. Just be his friend, not his girlfriend. That relationship is something that will twist your mind and abuse your self-worth. His family won’t like you for whatever reason. He isn’t good for you, really. He isn’t even attractive. You aren’t that lonely, Elle. Seriously, you aren’t. That phone he will place a few years later, just before you get married will simply piss you off. That relationship is three years of your life you’ll never get back.

If I could, I’d tell you to keep writing in that journal. Everyday. I’d also tell you to spend more time with Grandpa. Ask him about his writing. Talk to him about the war. Find out that he was a badass before he isn’t here anymore.

If I could, I’d tell you to not enroll in cosmetology school. It is a toxic environment and you’ll feel yourself getting dumber. Stay in medical school. Please, for the love of yourself, stay in medical school. Stay in medical school, even if it means you don’t get married at 23. The marriage is the hardest thing you’ll ever do, honestly. You’ll get lost and you may not be found. I don’t know how this plays out yet.

If I could, I’d tell you to be nicer to Stacey. You were a bitch of a big sister until Allyson came along. Why? Oh, because you are a bitch. Yes, I know you never asked to be a big sister, but suck it up, buttercup, that wasn’t your choice. She’ll need her sister, not a judge. You’ll need a sister and a friend too long before Allyson comes along.

If I could, I’d tell you that nothing lasts forever unless you let it.

Always You,

Elle

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