Wanted: A fabulous hairdresser for morning work

10 Mar

badhair

 

Above is what my hair looks like most days. 

I need a fantastic hairdresser to come to my house every morning in a shitty mood because it’s morning and he’s out of bed, to do my hair before I leave for work. I have decided that this hairdresser needs to also not be a morning person and will do my hair in absolute silence because neither one of us has anything pleasant to say at the unearthly hour of 0630. He needs to be good with massive curls and bad attitudes. He needs to know not to use a brush on my hair, ever. And yes, I am requesting a male hairdresser, because I have never had a male hairdresser do my tresses wrong. Females are an entirely different story. 
I have a theory that the men aren’t jealous of my hair; the women tend to be. I have long, blonde, thick, curly hair. Naturally. Most people don’t hit that kind of genetic lottery and have a pretty face and brilliant mind. Also, women are catty bitches. I don’t really want them in my mane being critical and hateful first thing in the morning, and I don’t want them talking to me. Nope, not even a damn word. Not even if it’s a compliment. 
I am in desperate need to fill this position because my hair looks a fright most days and I am too damn incoherent (the right combo of anti-anxiety and sleeping meds will do that) in the morning to try to mess with this hair. I’m also incredibly uncreative and impatient with it comes to making myself look presentable in the company of sighted people. I’m still on the fence of whether or not I care about what other people think I look like. I care what I look like, mostly, otherwise this post would be a huge waste of time. And while I am awesome at wasting time, I do want to care what I look like, but not so much that I care what others may think.

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