Regrets Part I

1 Mar

RegretDrawing courtesy of moi. I’m terribly skilled at Microsoft Paint. Clearly.

So I have had these regrets kicking around in my head for some time. I’m not really sure why they are all kind of coming to the surface in the last couple of months, but they are. Maybe it’s my age? I’m not ancient, but some days I definitely feel that way. I just pray to Urban Decay that I don’t look it.

I was thinking back to high school, I time I essentially loathed with every fiber of my being. I wouldn’t say I had an atypical high school experience. I went to a large, suburban school, where I largely received great instruction from a lot of awesome teachers. Grades were never my problem. I didn’t really have to work to get good grades, though I did compete quite hard for every tenth of a percentage when it came down the cumulative grade point average.

I have several regrets stemming from my high school days. The biggest regret is looking back and thinking how much more awesome it would have been if I actually worked harder in high school. I graduated with more than a 4.0, but I really wonder where I could have if I had really pushed myself. It’s in the past and now I will never know. It bums me out.

I really wish in school I had played a team sport, or even tried out for one. Chances are I wouldn’t have made it, because my athletic ability lies somewhere between that of a one winged bat and a wooden spoon, but I still wish I would have tried. Perhaps I would have “fit in” somewhere. Probably not though. I’m still too independent to be considered a good team player. And actually, the idea of working with others to achieve something is kind of antithetical to my personality. If I do something, I want the credit. I want the satisfaction of knowing that I didn’t need help.

I regret not toughing out the hell that was my Japanese college roommate and the creepy astronomy professor. I regret wanting to join the sorority so badly and being humiliated by them. I regret not realizing they weren’t my friends. Friends don’t let horrible things happen to each other. Preventable horrible things. Those points being said, I regret transferring from my beloved University of Kansas to the shithole that is University of Missouri in Columbia. Though, I can’t take any of that back, I regret those choices so much.

Following college, I so supremely regret leaving medical school. I left because I met MAN and I couldn’t handle a relationship and medical school. While I definitely do not regret choosing MAN, I just wish the timing had been different. I failed in my potential to do great things in the field of medicine. I failed that twice.

After I returned to school to go into nursing, I committed another regretful act. I decided to become a teacher instead of becoming a nurse. I regret not wanting to work hard enough. Truth is, nursing school is a lot more work intensive than education programs. I sold myself short. Again. STUPID, ELLE!

As I work toward my future, I hope to have learned from some of these regrets so that they are not repeated.

Part II to come.


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