I find myself thinking this often

30 Jun

It’s true. Unless the child is related to me (my darling niece), closely, (and even then it’s iffy) I don’t want to hold your baby. I don’t want to look at your baby. I don’t want to talk about your baby. I certainly don’t want to hold your baby.

Babies are just uninteresting. Really, they are. I especially don’t care to know how often little Jayden or Sophia shits or eats or how many times he or she wakes up in the night. I just don’t care. It’s not that I am a bad person (entirely), I just don’t much care about your baby.

Not all babies are cute, either. I think most aren’t. I do, however, firmly believe that all puppies are adorable. Yes, while puppies chew things up and crap in the house, those phases are extremely brief. Babies, meanwhile, shit their pants for years and only grow into mouthy, yet still needy teenagers. Remember that as you wait anxiously for that little pink line, okay?

To tie this up, babies really shouldn’t be brought into restaurants at dinner time, movie theaters anytime, or other enclosed spaces where they will scream bloody homicide that other patrons will have to endure. If you don’t take your kid out when he/she is having a fit, then you suck huge, dirty balls and someone will likely key your car and you will deserve it.

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One Response to “I find myself thinking this often”

  1. Torrey Shannon 01/07/2011 at 03:36 #

    I must confess that I took (and still take) my children to all venues listed above. However, if they act out in any way, I remove them. I don’t like hearing kids scream so why should I make others listen to it? I am right there with you!

    My favorite moment as a parent was going to a four-star restaurant by myself with a 9yo, 4yo and infant and getting “the look” from the wait staff. Then I got the look of surprise when the two oldest children ordered from the menu on their own, used proper utensils, and had manners.

    I may make you sit next to them in a restaurant, but I promise I won’t make you hold any babies. 😛

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