Proclaim your patriotism!

17 Jun

Kansas City is now home to a new soccer stadium. I couldn’t be less impressed. You see, Kansas City is my hometown (well a suburb is) and it is considered the heart of the Midwest. Here, we appreciate things like good steak, barbecue, and REAL AMERICAN FOOTBALL. Soccer, just isn’t interesting. At all. Nor is it American.

Midwesterners pride themselves on all things American. In fact, one of the most American sports, basketball, was invented by a Dr. James Naismith who would eventually coach the sport at the University of Kansas. Basketball is a real American sport, soccer is not. It’s just the way it is.  Americans like sports that end with the word ball. Notice, soccer, does not.

Now, I fully realize that soccer is called futball in other parts of the world, but what the hell does that matter when I am talking about America? Exactly.

In football, we see a bunch of American dudes crashing into each other, and we, as Americans, eat it up.  Soccer is just a bunch of light-on-their-feet dudes in shorts that are arguably too short for real men to wear, kicking a black and white patterned ball around, trying to get the well decorated ball into a net that is allegedly being guarded by a dude in a flamboyant outfit. Sounds flashy, huh? Not exactly. It’s decidedly boring with zero excitement; in fact, often times in soccer matches, yeah they call them matches instead of games, end in a tie! Seriously. Where is the competition? Where is the blood and bruises? Oh, you can find those in a real FOOTBALL GAME.

Soccer is not American, but it is extremely boring.  My good friend, sportscaster Jim Rome, has even proclaimed the only reason Americans even watch soccer is in the hopes of watching the stands collapse and kill hundreds of Europeans or South Americans. Jim and I agree on that assessment.

So, Americans, if you love your country, show it by proclaiming your hatred for this thing called soccer; then go out and shoot some hoops or toss a football around in the yard, in shorts that don’t show your balls.

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One Response to “Proclaim your patriotism!”

  1. Torrey Shannon 18/06/2011 at 01:15 #

    Hahahaha! Hee hee heee! Oh, my. Yes.

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