Brilliant kids are a pain in the ass.

7 Jun

I know. I was one. My parents remind me what a terrorist I was often.

Kids who are advanced or above average in ways other than girth, are curious and they want to learn everything they can.  Sometimes, parents can’t or don’t feel like keeping up with their mini-Einsteins. When this happens, the pint-sized Platos often get into trouble, because they have to constantly be stimulated and entertained. They want to discover and learn.

The above picture is an example of something I did when I was four. My dad had two cans of white spray paint on top of the fridge for something. While my mom was busy with my infant sister who was a projectile puker, and my dad was at work, I climbed the cabinets and retrieved a can of paint and slipped outside.  I began my four-year-old tagging. First masterpiece was my dad’s shiny red and black Weber grill. My next graffiti canvas was the dark, wood siding of our house. Yeah, I wrote my entire name and then I started spelling out words of cars I liked (yes, I was a weirdo car-lover even as a tot), until my mom realized I was not in the house. The back door flung open and my mom shrieked my name and busted my ass.

Following my ritual ass beating, I was sent to my room with all of my books, toys, pens, notebooks, and markers. You can guess what came next.

Other children of brilliance have given themselves Avant Garde haircuts out of boredom and lack of supervision, started kitchen fires, been kidnapped, taught themselves politcs, etc. All of these things can be very dangerous.

My largest fear is that I will have a child exactly like me. One who will keep me constantly on my toes, exhausting me physically and mentally because he or she (okay, we aren’t kidding anyone, she) is so bright and curious.  I love learning as much as the next bonafide genius, but I need a break from time to time now that I am old. Kids don’t like breaks or naps or any means of psychological rest.

My parents survived and did a relatively good job considering I am not in jail or a prostitute. My mother also went on to spawn twice more after she was done with my father and birthed another brilliant pain in the ass. He’s 14 now. Look for his face at your local post office.



One Response to “Brilliant kids are a pain in the ass.”

  1. Torrey Shannon 07/06/2011 at 12:41 #

    The palette I used prior to my own ass beating was our freshly-plastered basement walls. My tool? Fingers. My fingers get me in trouble even to this day. 🙂

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