Empathy. I don’t have it.

26 May

I have been called cold. I have been called heartless. I have been told I am lacking compassion. Most recently, I was told I lack empathy; this came from my therapist.She said I should work on that.

In many ways, if something doesn’t directly affect me or my family, I don’t care much about it. Now, as far as natural disasters and things, well that is out of anyone’s control and there is little personal choice involved.Those folks who have had their lives devastated by Mother Nature, they didn’t have a choice in the matter; she goes and does what she wants when she wants. To those folks, I feel for you, because I know it could be me or my family who lost everything to a spinning beast. So those of you haters, shut your fucking mouths about that.

Also, animals hold a special place in my head and in my heart. Animals are choiceless. They rely on nature and their humans, if applicable to care for them. Anyone who knows me personally knows that both the husband I have to turn off the ASPCA commercial every time it comes on the TV. Yes, we already donate. We have three dogs of our own and they are the best parts of our lives. So much joy and all they ask is food and love in return. So yes, I would go to the ends of the earth for a hurt or missing animal. Except birds. Because, EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I have always had a disconnect with humanity. In general, when people are grieving or hurting, I have to fake the emotion in order to not feel like an outcast. Sure, when my grandfathers died, I cried and I was upset, but they were close to me. On TV we see images all the time of people murdered or missing. It doesn’t phase me.

Take Natalee Holloway. Didn’t affect me at all. I really don’t care that she went missing on her senior trip and I don’t feel bad with for her family.  Caylee Anthony, the trial that is happening right now, don’t care. I don’t care if her mother killed her. It doesn’t affect me. I try to imagine what would happen if I did care. It wouldn’t be pretty; I would be consumed. I know myself and I would obsess and fall into a depression. Sorry, I can’t have that. I just check out.

Now, like I said, I am not completely devoid of empathy. I care about my family and friends. I don’t care that Angelina Jolie adopted a new baby from Jupiter. I just don’t. I can actually cannot.  I don’t care that that CNBC reporter just died. How can people care about the lives of people they don’t know so deeply?

Media. They shove it down our throats, essentially telling us if we don’t care about what they are broadcasting, we are subhuman. If you feel like I do, you aren’t subhuman, you are exactly human. You are real and you are a realist. Do you care that one of those Kardashian hoes is hocking a new line of exercise attire? If you do, you need help. This is completely irrelevant to your life, unless of course you are a Kardashian. If you are reading this, you aren’t.

I am not heartless, I am not cold. I am real and I care about things that affect me and mine. Why should I waste my time or energy on something that really doesn’t have any bearing on my day to day? Really, why should I? Who has that kind of energy? I sure as hell don’t.

I have a career, a husband with special needs, a non-profit, and friends and family. I have to keep myself strong and clear for them.


2 Responses to “Empathy. I don’t have it.”

  1. Crystal 05/06/2011 at 18:22 #

    I know I don’t know you well, and I am not going to write you off as an unhappy/negative person. Yes, you are very straight forward to a fault. I like the fact that you don’t bullshit, but I know enough not to come to you if I am looking for sympathy or kind words. You are the type of friend who puts a boot in their ass when they need it, which is not a bad thing.

    I understand your lack of caring to an extent. You seem to be an all or nothing type of person. I think once you find a happy medium, things will be better for you. I know you have a lot going on with your husband, but you have issues too that you need to deal with. I believe you feel you can’t focus on them because you have to focus on your husband. I’m glad you are in therapy, because it shows you know you have faults (no matter how much you claim to be “perfect” 😉 lol), and are working on them.

    I really hope you find different degrees to care about situations. Like the Casey Anthony situation. Yes, it does not effect me directly, but it is very sad and I do care that her daughter gets justice. I know it won’t bring her back, but at least her mother wouldn’t get away with it. If it were up to me, Casey Anthony would be sterilized, while awake. I don’t let the situation consume me, but it’s not like I don’t give a shit either. A happy medium. I believe you will find it some day.

    I hope what I said makes sense to you. Good luck!

    • Elle 07/06/2011 at 10:14 #

      I appreciate that you care enough about me to “hope” I find a happy medium. I am actually really comfortable with the “Go hard or go the fuck home” mentality. All or nothing is the only thing that makes sense in my mind. Why would I waste time or energy on doing or caring about something half-assed or something that really doesn’t affect me or my circle?

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