Ya’ll git in here!

29 Apr

This is what I look like every time she opens her mouth to let words fall out.

She’s dumb, that’s no secret, but even if she wasn’t functionally retarded, she would still sound like it. Know why? She has a southern accent.

Southern accents make all women, minus Scarlett O’Hara, sound like complete twits. Why? I am not sure, scientists are still spending billions of research dollars on it.

Did you know Julia Roberts is from Georgia? She is. She took a couple of years of speech lessons in order to shed her accent. She couldn’t get work in Hollywood sounding like a backwoods bumpkin.

Here are some common questions on the topic. Read and educate yourselves.

Is this discrimination?

Maybe, but no one wants to listen to women with thick southern accents flapping their gums.

Why doesn’t Hollywood desire these accents?

Well, they sound perfectly ridiculous for one. For two, even if Leann Womack was discussing the laws of Quantum Physics, she would still sound like a double-wide queen.

Does this same reality hold true for men with southern accents?

Yes, but to a lesser degree. Let’s analyze:

Jeff Foxworthy is from Georgia with a thick accent, does he sound smart? No, he is a comedian and we laugh at him, not because his jokes are funny, but because he sounds funny.

Blake Shelton has a thick drawl but I would let him in my pants if he promised not to talk.

I could go on, but really, what is the point?

Have you ever heard a news anchor with a southern drawl? No, and with excellent reason, you can’t understand the words coming out of their mouths.

Have you ever watched Swamp Loggers or that gator hunting show on Discovery? Case in point. Those folks are Americans. They have allegedly been raised with English, yet the network has to subtitle the show so they can be understood. Does that sound intelligent? Um, no.

Now, before anyone gets their panties in too tight a wad, my grandmother is from Kentucky and I have about 3500 relatives there.

Do they sound like idiots?

Every single time they open their mouths.

*Disclaimer* I am from the Midwest, I have a news anchor accent. It’s also one reason I want to f#$% the shit out of Tom Brokaw.

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2 Responses to “Ya’ll git in here!”

  1. Torrey Shannon 28/06/2011 at 17:56 #

    HAHAHA! I better watch my drawl. I have one, yanno.

    I’ve never met anyone who thought Brokaw was hot. Now that you mention it, I agree.

  2. Elle 28/06/2011 at 18:19 #

    Well, I didn’t notice it on the phone, so I believe you are in the clear.

    I would do things to Tom Brokaw that are illegal in 47 states, if given the chance.

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