It’s called WEATHER!

8 Apr

You see, here in the middle of the country we have seasons. Four of them actually, yes, even the shitty ones.  All four seasons happen every year. EVERY.SINGLE.YEAR. It’s true, ask a farmer.  It gets really hot and humid here (aka miserable) and it gets really damn cold and often snowy here (aka miserable).  We also have the in between seasons of “Oh my God, it’s so warm and breezy!” and “Look at those beautiful leaves.”

The in between seasons are tolerable if you don’t have allergies or asthma. I have both. Yay. I don’t enjoy either in between season.  Frankly, I don’t enjoy any season over the other.  I know I have to deal with each as it happens and wait for the next and continue the cycle.

People getting excited over the weather that happens every year at the same time like it something unexpected and new, I do not understand this.Do they not have any long term memory? If you have dementia, TBI, or Alzheimer’s you are excused.  The rest of you, what the fuck is wrong with you? You seriously don’t remember we had thunderstorms last spring? We live on the Plains!  Thunderstorms producing hail and tornadoes are kind of our claim to fame; why are you surprised every year when it happens?

Now, I like a good thunderstorm and twister as much as the next redneck, but come the fuck on! Do we need to talk about it like you have just seen a U.F.O.? No. Katie Horner, I am looking at you.

Now my favorite is when we are in the thick of winter and we get 10″ of snow. People flip out. If you are from Haiti and have never seen snow, I get it, it’s weird and cold, a novelty; if you aren’t then get over it! No, the grocery store isn’t going to run out of Oreos and Top Ramen for your fat ass, so no need to risk life and limb in your rear-wheel-drive beater.  Yes, it’s true you may not be able to make it to work safely when it snows and the state workers can’t keep up. Call your boss and tell him; if he gives you flak, he’s a douche. However, the snow is NOT earth shattering (that’s an earthquake and those admittedly will fuck us up) and it will eventually melt and then it will…surprise! Snow again!

I hate this time of year especially because tomorrow it is set hit 90 degrees. I can see all of the statuses and tweets now, “Enjoying this warm day” and “Wow! Can you believe how warm it is?” Yes I can, you twit, it happens every year.  I swear, it does.

Reminder, in less than three months it will be hotter than the hinges of hell. Just didn’t want you to be caught off guard, because then I would have to hear about it. It’s a self-serving service really. To the like-minded individuals, you are welcome.



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