People Say Life is Funny

14 May 20140514-095250.jpg

It isn’t.

Moments in life are funny. Life itself is not. Life is hard and no one comes out alive.

There is always a struggle of some kind. Those with stars in their eyes may say that is what makes the funny stuff so much funnier. I think those people are blind and in severe pain from all of the stars in their eyes to know what the hell they are talking about.

It is true that some folks clearly have an easier go of it in life than others, but it is also true that no one is happy 100% of the time. We all worry about something, some of use worry more than others about things we probably shouldn’t worry so much about. Anxiety is’t funny. It isn’t fun. The only good thing that potentially comes from it is weight loss.

I have a job where funny things sometimes happen. Usually though they are stupid things and we laugh at them anyway and then I want to cry because I laughed at something so stupid.

I have a puppy and she is funny because her personality is developing and she is still clumsy and trips and falls a lot. Sometimes I feel bad for laughing because she is just learning and then the “I’m a fucking wretched person” guilt sets in.

Amy Schumer is funny. She is funny because satirizes real life bullshit that should not have to be satirized to draw attention. Rape should not have to be a joke to have proper attention paid. Sexism should not have to be satirized. So on. So yes, Amy Schumer makes fun of these things to give them the serious attention they deserve.

Life isn’t funny. It’s really just one big shit show where we try to avoid being hit with the name sake event.

For Real

27 Feb



Calm the fuck down!

26 Feb

Mother Nature is in control. Seriously, she is. She always is.

As unshocking as this revelation may be, people need to understand it. Also, not breaking news, I am an amateur weather nerd. I love it and I find it absolutely fascinating. I am fortunate enough (most days I think fortunate is the appropriate adjective) to live in a part of the world where the weather experiences actual, defined seasons. Usually four of them per year.

This winter has been full of average temperature days, mild temperature days, and frigid temperature days. In the Midwest, this N-O-R-M-A-L. This is not a pattern we have never experienced before. This is okay. The world isn’t ending yet.

If you have lived my area for any length of time, you know this. You know that extremes are possible and not uncommon. I understand that you don’t like the frigid temperatures, and few people really do, but if you make them the bane of your existence, you have two options to change that.
1. Suck it up and put on a sweater.
2. Move away.
Before you say, “It isn’t that easy to just move away,” I will tell you to shut the hell up. If weather is truly making your life miserable every year, and you bitch about it and make those around you into thoughts of your homicide, then yes it is. Boxes aren’t hard to pack. Admittedly, unpacking sucks though.
As we descend into our 13th or 14th Polar Vortex, calm your tits, light a fire and quit your bitching. If you can’t do those things, I’ll bring you some packing boxes.

Greetings from afar!

12 Feb


This photo is completely irrelevant to this post, I just think it’s funny.
Oh, and the title is irrelevant too. It’s not that I’ve gone anywhere physically, I’ve just taken a mental hiatus from blogging here. I’ve been spending too much time with work stuff and swimming I’m the sea of magic that is Tumblr.

I’ve really decided to pour myself into my writing. Now, most of this writing has been done offline, and it’s really working for me. I have been working with some professional organizations to potentially get my musings to the masses and get paid for it.

This was basically a nothing post, but I’m going to try to put my feet back in the wordpress pool. I’ll still likely be swimming over on Tumblr.

My lover

18 Sep

I love to cook, but baking is my true lover.
These are my famous chewy chocolate chip cookies.
They are the best in the universe and anyone who’s ever had them can attest to that fact. These cookies are soft, buttery, and silky on your tongue.
This is my own special recipe that no one knows and I am going to share it with you!

Just kidding.

Mean Girls

5 Sep

mean girlsImage courtesy of Google

This is a great movie and I adore it. Of course it’s satirical and that means there is a heavy dose of truth in it.

Girls in high school can be mean. Some are total bitches, especially if you don’t wear the right clothes or don’t have a boyfriend on the football team, or don’t drive the right kind of car.

Working in a high school, I see a lot of this. Girls are mean to other girls just because they can be. Girls form cliques whose total function becomes to exclude other girls.

Now, you may think, “Elle, was a total mean girl.” And you’d be wrong. So very, very wrong.

I was not cool in high school. My parents were strict and I didn’t have much freedom. I didn’t live in the cool neighborhoods. My parents weren’t native to our town. I wasn’t in the “in crowd”.
What I did (do) have is confidence.

Even in a small school, like where I teach, girls are cliquish and most of it is purely based on how cute your clothes are and how many sports you play.

Girls are mean, and while it’s not fun if you’re on the wrong end of the mean, I really believe it’s the nature of the teenage girl. Aaaand it often carries over to adult women. Now, the only way to prevent the mean girls from having any power is to let the “uncool” girls know that they are just as good.
Instilling self-esteem in young girls is the only answer.



13 Aug



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